To begin with, I prefer using the term ‘unconscious relationships’ over ‘toxic relationships’, as it sounds less prejudical and accusatory. From what I have seen during the relationshipcoaching I’m offering is that behaviour doesn’t come from bad intention, but from pure pain. This of course doesn’t alter the fact that these relationships can be very harmful.
A couple of main issues can be pointed out in unconscious relationships:
✦ one or both partners are acting from unconscious behavioural patterns, which stem from childhood issues, traumabonding and/or karmic patterns
✦ one or both partners aren’t taking responsibility for their behaviour and healing
✦ unbalanced energy in one partner will bring forth and maintain, unbalanced energy in the other. Unbalanced masculine energy will evoke unbalanced feminine energy and the other way around. This doesn’t have anything to do with gender by the way! We all have both energies.
✦ perpetuating disfunctional interactions between partners that lessen the connection more and more over time, which create feelings of hopelessness.
I have seen unconscious relationship become conscious and healthy during my relationshipcoaching. For this it’s necessary both partners take full responsibility in investigating and healing own behaviour. Fingerpointing or keeping up defenses will not draw partners closer. Eventhough one partner may not instigate a certain pattern, it’s their responsibility to limit this pattern by setting boundaries for instance. In that way both partners are fully responsible for the continuation of the disfunctional interaction.
If you and your partner need any assistance in growing a healthy and conscious relationship, I would love to help you! I’m offering 75 minute relationshipcoachingssessions, which you can book here.